I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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