My sheets look like a crime scene.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
