I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
