dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
