i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
