He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
