Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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