Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
