one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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