We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
how drunk are you?
Several
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
