I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
its liver damage thursday
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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