you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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