Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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