Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
