Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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