why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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