Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
