That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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