nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
