I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
