How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
