Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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