Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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