if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
