What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
