My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
