I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
