Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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