Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
