Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
