I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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