dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
