what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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