You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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