I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
