he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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