All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
