I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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