Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
