was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish you could order shots online.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
