what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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