so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
