last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
