I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
