Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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