It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You made out with two different species that night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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