The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
