Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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