i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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