im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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