totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
