And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
