wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dear god my vagina.
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